Just Us and the Sea
by thegirlwhospreadfire
Summary: Hermione returns for her final year at Hogwarts. There are required individual and group therapy sessions for students who survived the war. Hermione decides to keep a poetry journal as a way to cope with her troubled mind and troubled feelings. Especially when her feelings seem to be drawn towards the last person she was expecting them to. Rated M for serious topics.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

My swollen lips utter silent symphonies.

The fine tuned sound of salt sits upon our ears.

It's just us and the sea.

In our imaginary place turned real.

I'm beginning to start to feel.

What am I feeling you might ask?

I'm feeling that this feeling might last.

The sound of the waves are keeping me sane.

And cold silence is the sound of my pain.

I'm already starting to realize how much I can see in your eyes.

And how much that means to me you've opened up wide.

Your eyes are the sea.

I tell you things you don't want to hear.

But you have to, you must face your fear.

I know it's not kind of me.

But it's also not fine with me for you not to know.

The truth is hidden in my heart.

You need to break it so it will fall apart.

And release all of the scattered dreams I've locked away.

But release them at my okay.

So I may prepare myself for the worst.

But I know that won't happen.

It won't happen.

It's just wishful thinking.

So, we'll be stuck forever out at sea.

Moving back and forth,

Without you knowing what you mean to me.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Harry Potter.**

Chapter One:

The Return

I forced myself to relax into the rocking of the Hogwarts Express. It wouldn't do if I were stiff as a board while pretending to be asleep. I kept my mouth slack and my breathing steady, even though I wanted so badly to join in the conversation going on beside me. But, I just couldn't bring myself to talk. Gone were my urges to share my thoughts and feelings. Gone was the witty schoolgirl who always had an answer. The war had impacted us all. It left our dear ones dead and the lucky survivors, or should I say not so lucky, irrevocably damaged. Most of the scars received lied beneath the surface. My scars happened to render me mute.

I spoke only out of necessity. Harry and Ron, ever the understanding best friends, allowed me my time and space, making a point to only ask me questions I could respond to with a 'yes' or 'no'. They didn't want to push me. After all, we had all lost a part of ourselves in the war. I was surprised and impressed at how well Harry seemed to be holding up. After this final year at Hogwarts he would be returning to Grimmauld Place, that is, as soon as the remodeling was complete. He would be taking on a huge responsibility of raising his godson, Teddy. And it wouldn't do to have a toddler running about the house with dark magic floating around.

Ever since the final battle, Harry had been the one picking up the pieces. I guess he was subconsciously making up for all the years Ron and I lifted his spirits and fed him constant moral support. Harry became our pillar, our brother to lean on, and in my case, a shoulder to cry on. He always knew how to comfort his two best friends. Ron and I stayed with him over the summer. I had no home to go back to, and Ron found the Burrow was too silent for his liking. We were all still in mourning, but he just wanted to push forward, only looking back when he needed to.

Back at number 12 I had nightmares every night. I would wake up screaming or crying and both Harry and Ron would appear instantly. I was so grateful to them. Ron would go and make us all mugs of hot chocolate and Harry would climb onto my bed and take me in his arms. All the while stroking my hair or rubbing light soothing circles on my back. After about a week of this I resorted to insomnia, refusing to fall prey to my nightmares. As long as I didn't sleep I couldn't be hurt. Harry and Ron had enough of this however and began brewing me nightly dreamless sleep potions. Even though my nightmares were put at bay, they decided we all would move into a room with three twin beds. Harry slept by the door, Ron slept by the window, and I slept in the middle. We all seemed to be more rested after this change.

The train continued at its now steady pace, and my friends had fallen silent. I opened my eyes a fraction and glanced at the seat across from me. Crookshanks was gazing at me with a look I knew to be concern. He was quite an expressive cat, well kneazle technically. He saw me steal a glance at him and took the opportunity to hop off of his seat and onto my lap. I sat up from against the window, stretching and rolling my neck. I looked down and scratched Crookshanks' ears. I then proceeded to pick him up and move to stretch out across the other bench taking him into my arms as I lay on my side. Crookshanks seemed more than happy with this new arrangement and promptly began to rumble with his deep purrs. I chanced a look at my friends and they returned my look with comforting smiles that nonverbally let me know they were here should I need them. I managed a half smile with close lips that didn't meet my eyes as I settled in for the rest of the train ride, once more closing my eyes, but this time drifting off to a real slumber.

_**4 hours later….**_

I was having a bad dream about a dragon that for some reason could talk. The dream seemed so real that when the beast's face was inches away from mine I could smell the stench of roasted death that permanently resided in its mouth. I knew it had every intention of making me its next meal, and some sick part of me wondered if it would have trouble trying to down all of my bushy hair. It flicked its tongue out and connected with my cheek, no doubt taste testing. But it didn't feel like a dragon's tongue should. Not that I would know, but for some reason it felt like I was just stroked with a bit of damp sandpaper. Apparently the dragon hadn't tasted enough as it kept licking my face. I started to giggle because it was so absurd, but the dragon continued licking my face happily as if it were a pet dog.

In the distance I heard a faint voice that sounded like it was calling my name. It kept repeating and sounded more urgent each time. I knew I had to follow the voice back outside the cave, but a strange part of me desired to stay with the dragon. It had been such a long time since I had felt any kind of happiness. Pathetic, I know. I didn't want a dragon to stop licking my face because it made me giggle. I had definitely gone mad. I turned away from the direction of the voice to face the dragon once more, but it had begun walking away into the depths of its cave. It glanced over its shoulder, winked and spoke its goodbye.

"Until next time, dear one."

I awoke with a start. Not because I was frightened, just alarmed. Those eyes…I hadn't remembered them like that. They were so unnatural for a dragon. Come to think of it, I couldn't remember what its eyes had looked like during the dream up until that point. I was too focused on its mouth. I realized then that it was Harry who was calling my name. I must have been moving around quite a bit. My robes were hiked up to my knees, my tie was loosened and askew, and my shirt had become untucked. I spotted Crookshanks on the floor of the compartment giving me a peeved look. I must have disturbed his sleep. I figured it must have been his tongue licking my face in my dream. I sat up and met Harry's eyes. Directing the question toward him I spoke my first words since the station.

"What happened?"

Harry responded with a tone laced with confusion, "Well, you've been asleep for a good four hours. You were unnaturally still up until about 10 minutes ago. You started mumbling and shifting. I was going to wake you because your movements became more violent, but then Crookshanks decided to try to calm your nightmare, and well, you were erm, _giggling. _So I decided to try and wake you up while your dream was going well. I didn't want you to wake up frightened." The look of concern on his face was downright sweet, and I tried my best to give him a smile. It almost reached my eyes that time.

"Thanks." I said quietly.

A few minutes later a cool voice spoke over the intercom announcing that we would be arriving in Hogsmeade in 15 minutes time. No one spoke the rest of the trip as we all cleaned ourselves up and made sure our things were secure. As I felt the train start to slow I took down Crookshanks' wicker travelling case from the luggage rack and set it down on the seat. He _hated_ being stuffed into his carrier, and I wouldn't make him if it weren't required. I picked him up from his haughty position in the corner and quickly set him inside. I ignored the low dissatisfied growl he gave me. I knew he would be happily curled up beside me that night.

"See you later. Be good." I whispered to him, but Crookshanks had turned himself around in his case, refusing to face me. I shook my head as I followed Harry and Ron out of the compartment. At least some things never change. I couldn't say the same for the school that I was returning to this year. Hogwarts had been severely damaged during the final battle a few months prior. Although it was bigger and grander than before, I knew the recent construction would serve as a constant reminder to me, and the others of what had transpired as our lives were changed forever.

My thoughts of the revived castle carried me to a thestral drawn carriage. As I was about to climb up and take a seat I froze. I realized something was very different. I was seeing a thestral for the very first time. Harry noticed my hesitation and glanced at the thestrals a moment before quickly ushering me to sit between him and Ron. I felt like crying, but I was done with tears. It took too much energy, so I just sunk down into my seat holding hands with Ron and laying my head on Harry's shoulder. Ron began to rub soothing patterns on the back of my hand with his thumb. A year ago I would have found my stomach in butterflies at his simple gesture, but now it just brought ease to my mind.

A few minutes later the carriage came to a halt as we pulled up in front of the gate. The door popped open on its own and Harry, Ron and I exited onto the path up to Hogwarts. We paused as we entered the open iron gate to take it all in. Both the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw towers were gone. Just like that, all hopes I had for this year were dashed. My home was destroyed. It was as if I was looking at the castle for the first time. I closed my eyes tight wishing I had imagined it, but when I opened my eyes once more they began to fill with angered tears. I realized we were not the only students who had stopped. Neville sauntered up beside us and we acknowledged each other with nods before turning our sights to the _thing_ that had obviously replaced our sacred space. Standing where our precious tower once resided was a monster of a building that was as tall as the astronomy tower and about twice its width.

Ron finally spoke up, "They better have a damn good use for that bloody eyesore that's all I have to say."

A girl I recognized as a Ravenclaw spoke up, "I wouldn't be surprised if that's where we're going to be staying now. Where else would they put the Ravenclaws and Gryffindors? They completely destroyed our house dormitories!" I was starting to think the same thing, but I didn't want to speak up for fear of it actually being true. Harry, Ron and Neville meanwhile were eyeing the girl resentfully, and I knew they were hoping for it not to be the case as well.

"I'm sorry, my name's Rena Ogden, sixth year." Harry began to introduce himself but, "Yes, yes, I know who all of you are. You saved the wizarding world and our precious school they seemed to have desecrated."

Ron spoke up, "Hold on, Ogden as in Ogden's firewhisky?" Harry laughed at the look on our friend's face, as he seemed to have suddenly taken a sudden interest in the younger Ravenclaw.

"The same," she responded, not hiding her obvious amusement to Ron's reaction. "My Great Uncle Alexander happens to own the family business. He said he would send me a bottle anytime I want this year, granted I maintain my impeccable grades."

Ron wasted no time in speaking up, "Welcome to the family Rena." Everyone cracked up, and I even managed a smile. "What?" Ron defensively asked, but continued smiling, "It's about time we start to form friendships with other houses, right?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea Ronald. Besides, Rena is a great friend. Her positive energy seems to ward off most of the euphoria siphoning sprites." Luna jumped in as she seemed to materialize out of nowhere.

Neville decided to join the conversation, "You're friends with Luna? I knew I had a good feeling about you." Neville gave Rena a warm smile. As the new friends continued there conversation we began to walk up to the school. I was now hand in hand with Ron and Harry, but I couldn't seem to focus on the conversation as I had the feeling someone's stare burning my neck, making my hair stand on end. I pretended to be looking around turning my head slightly while using my peripherals to look the rest of the way, so I wouldn't completely obvious if someone caught me staring. I gripped my friend's hands tight as I caught sight of the unmistakable flash of pale blonde hair. I turned my head back towards the castle deep in thought ignoring the looks Ron and Harry were giving me. They knew something was up. They always did, but they chose to ignore it, knowing I would talk when I was ready. I pushed aside my fears and turned my thoughts towards the prospect of the sorting ceremony and McGonagall's start of term speech.

Other than the obvious exterior change, Hogwarts looked the same once we were inside. I was relieved to see that the Great Hall wasn't altered in the slightest, although it had been subjected to the most damage. Even the house point hourglasses remained in their same location to the right of the back wall behind the staff tables. I took in the cloudy night sky as I strode down the aisle still flanked by my friends. Luna and Rena had bid farewell to us at the doors while Neville still trailed behind. We sat ourselves down on a bench midway down the line of Gryffindor tables. I looked up from my empty plate to see whom I was sitting across from and my eyes met a handsome dark face.

"Hey Hermione. Have a restful summer?" Dean inquired, his smile not reflecting the sound of his voice. I shrugged and gave my best attempt to match his smile. It must not have worked that well though, because his eyes held sympathy and understanding as he gave me a nod and turned to talk quietly to Seamus.

The next few minutes flew by as I silently took in the atmosphere. I noticed I wasn't the only student who had a sudden change of personality. Everyone seemed much more subdued. What seemed like seconds later the doors of the great hall had reopened to reveal an unusually large group of twitchy looking first years. I supposed this was because many parents chose not to send their 11 year olds the previous term due to the untimely war. Maybe the new tower had been built for the large incoming class of First years, but I didn't think that was it either, because even though there were many more students this year, they wouldn't be able to fill the entire tower themselves. It had to be big enough to fit our entire school. I froze with that thought. No, McGonagall wouldn't do that…but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I started to get panicked and worked up at the thought of having to share a space with the Slytherins. No, this couldn't happen. It would be ridiculous.

I was drawn out of my thoughts when Harry squeezed my hand. "Hey. Whatever it is you're thinking about, just try to put it aside and focus on how many fresh new lions you'll have to keep out of trouble this year. Their numbers are going to be quite a handful," Harry chuckled. That snapped me out of my mood and I made sure to watch the sorting ceremony carefully, keeping my eye out for any kid who would potentially make my prefect duties a challenge.

By the end of the sorting Gryffindor had a new record of 26 first years. It was unheard of. I was already back to panic mode by the time McGonagall had stepped to the front to give her first start of term speech as Headmistress. Harry gave my hand another squeeze however, effectively bringing me back to the present so that I could focus on the next words I was sure were going to be quite enlightening.

"Welcome, and good evening to all students, new and returning." McGonagall paused, scanning each table with bespectacled eyes. "I have great hopes for this coming year, as the changes made to our curriculum and castle shall be taking effect. This will be a fresh start for all of you. You will have a chance to shape the world you will be entering into after graduation even before you leave this castle. I must implore you, as hard as it might be for some, to allow everyone a second chance. The war has affected each and every student and teacher here. It would not be beneficial in any way to continue to hold up silly grudges and prejudices that led up to the tension and eventual outbreak of violence that has resulted in the loss of so many we held dear. This is a time for unity, no matter what house or bloodline we come from." The students remained silent and no one missed the hard stares the Headmistress sent to both the Gryffindor and Slytherin students. Harry and Ron exchanged looks of dread. I could almost hear their thoughts. And I agreed. I don't know how comfortable I felt making nice with the children of the dark side. Even if McGonagall was right, trust was a hard thing to earn back once it was lost. The Slytherins had lost my trust the very first day of school.

"This year your houses will not only have a chance to earn points for model behavior, good classwork, and quidditch matches. My fellow teachers and I have worked all summer long on a new tradition to add to Hogwarts called the

Class Competitions. At the end of each month there will be a day of fun, friendly competitive games between the houses, where every student will have a chance to show their house spirit and earn points. The house that earns the most points from the games is awarded a total of fifty house points. There will be separate challenges for each year level as well as one overall challenge for all of the members of a house to work together. More details are to follow in your homeroom classes. Which brings me to my next order of business. There will be a few changes to the school schedules this year. The first is a required homeroom each Monday morning, which is to take place fifteen minutes before first period. The homerooms will be divided by years, and have been put in place to ensure everyone is kept up to date on all of the new happenings during school. You will also be receiving interim grade reports at the end of each month from your homeroom teacher."

I perked up at that comment and met McGonagall's softer stare, which I'm sure had been meant for me. Ever since I was a first year I had nagged her relentlessly about handing out grade reports. Ron nudged me playfully and Harry grinned, and the knowing looks in their eyes brought a gentle smile to my face. Then the Headmistress looked away and continued.

" We will also be holding school dances this year. The attendance is not mandatory, but strongly is encouraged as it will provide a friendly social environment for you to interact with classmates you normally wouldn't surround yourself with. This is yet another opportunity to strengthen house unity." McGonagall paused in her speech to allow this to sink in. There had been a large outbreak of excited whispers, mostly from the female population of course. She cleared her throat to bring the focus back to her speech, her relaxed expression now becoming more severe.

"On a more serious note. The additional class besides homeroom that is to be added to the schedule is only a requirement for sixth, seventh and our second time seventh years. Due to the traumatic aftermath of the war the board of governors has seen it fit to request that the second of the two weekly classes of defense against the dark arts be a group counseling session." I noticed that mine was not the only audible groan as I caught my head with my hands. This had to be some fresh hell. We had defense with the Slytherins. McGonagall was crazy if she thought I would be spilling out my heart and soul in front of a bunch of lying, manipulative snakes. And as if it couldn't be any worse….

"Lastly, I'm sure no one failed to notice our newest addition to the castle. Perhaps the biggest and most permanent change of all is our combined house living quarters." The Headmistress took advantage of the shocked silence the hall had fallen into and she rushed to finish. "There will be eight separate floors. Each floor houses a year in ascending order. In the center of each floor there is a common room located. Boys on the left and girls on the right. In order to smooth the transition there will still be four separate sleeping quarters on each side. One for each house, along with two communal bathrooms. Sixth years and above will be housed in collegiate suites with eight bathrooms, one to each suite and the option to choose your own roommates. Thank you and enjoy the term." And as soon she sat down and the tables became laden with the start of term feast, the student's noise level magnified tenfold. The teachers seemed to have been expecting that as they skillfully avoided all eye contact with their pupils.

I could feel Ron practically shaking from anger and Harry seemed to have lost interest in the grandiose feast that lined the table. I turned around to search out Rena at the Ravenclaw table. Finally I made eye contact with my new dark haired friend. I mouthed _unbelievable_, and she mouthed back _I told you so_. After sharing an exasperated look I turned back around. My eyes instantly fell upon the object of my earlier curiosity and what I felt can only be described as the aftermath of a stunning spell. I couldn't think. I couldn't move. The grey eyes that belonged to my nemesis met mine, and I recognized them as the eyes of the dragon from my dream. At least I knew that this year would be anything but boring.

**A/N: This is my very first fanfic! I have decided to bite the bullet and do it. I have never found the right inspiration to write one, but now I have. Please review! Any constructive criticism is appreciated. Many thanks in advance. I will make a point to reply to all reviews.

Peace, love, and pygmy puffs-

Thegirlwhospreadfire


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